Brian and I had a huge fight this weekend. It went pretty much the same way all of our fights go. To sum up, Brian does something a little dumb, I over-react, he informs me I am over-reacting, I yell and slam doors, he stays fairly calm and un-slams the doors, I get more upset because he is so calm and I can't seem to calm down, he apologizes for whatever he did that I have blown completely out of proportion, and then I apologize for everything else.
When it was all over and we were sitting on the bed Brian looked at me and said "I'm sorry." Our apologies had all been said, everything had been covered, I really had no idea what he was talking about. "I want you to feel like a treasure." I told him that I knew he loved me, that I knew I was important to him. He corrected me, he didn't want me to feel that he treasured me, but that I was a treasure. He wants me to know that I am of infinite value, not that he values my infinitely.
Well, I was speechless, and he proceeded to enumerate his failures. That was when I realized that I had failed him even more than he felt he had failed me. He's my hero. He is my knight in shining armor who battles every dragon that ever threatens to devour me. Sometimes his horse isn't properly shooed, or his armor is a little dingy, but he always slays my dragons. Yet, all he sees is the shoes and the dingy, because I see them.
I remember being a kid and someone always pointed out how I could have done better. I know they thought they were criticizing constructively, but it taught me to say, "Thank you for rescuing me, but if you don't fix that horseshoe you might kill us both next time."
It's wrong. It is 100% wrong and I am confessing that to him, to you, to God, and anyone else who is listening.
So today we went to church, and I was grumpy, because I hadn't slept well and my dress was not cooperating and Brian was going to be late when he was reading, and hadn't gotten the passages ahead of time, and it was all my fault. When we get into church it turns out that the reading was Ephesians 5:21-33 (KJV) "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
I just sat there, and I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open. Now this is not the first, or even the hundredth, time I've heard that passage; but do you see it? A man is supposed to make his wife a treasure and to be her hero. It's right there!
So I have a new goal. My goal is to show my husband everyday that he is heroic. I am going to make sure I do the really simple things, like not taking him for granted, saying please and thank you even when I'm in a hurry, and telling him when he's made my life better.
I wonder what it would do for the divorce rate in this country if we taught this as romance again? Bring on the fairytale princesses! Even if the only dragon my husband slays tomorrow is an empty gas tank, it's something he's done for me and he searches for needs to fill. My job is to let him know how much better my life is because there is gas in my tank and he put it there.